They Saw, They Conquered, They Destroyed (Part 1)


Today, I have the hilarious account of the time I took my kids by myself to Walgreens and they both decided to throw fall-down on the ground tantrums at the same damn time and I had no solution.


I usually don’t have any problems with taking both of my kids by myself to run errands. If Jude is fed and Viv is rested, we are good to go. For some reason on this brisk Saturday morning in San Antonio, Texas, those factors had no meaning. We had been in San Antonio visiting family for the holidays for a couple of days, so Viv had fully immersed herself into the role of spoiled, grown- little woman syndrome that she always falls into when she is around her older cousins and Granny. The role is cute when you are confined to the walls of a house, but in public it is a different story. Jude on the other hand is just a two-year-old boy, so no explanation is needed for his behavior.

I had to go to Walgreens to pick up just one item that I desperately needed, so when the kids begged to go with me, I didn’t think anything of it. It was about 9am, so I decided that it wasn’t bad to just plop a jacket over the kid’s pajama sets and head out, I mean hell we were just going up the street for one item. Now there are a few things that I’m particular about as a mom and one of them is not having my kids leave the house looking crazy. Not that I haven’t done it, case in point, the Walgreens trip, but it never fails that something ridiculous happens when I do. I also decided that I could keep on my sweatpants and typical hoodie, which I didn’t realize at the time had some unidentifiable stain on the sleeve until we got into the store. So, long story short, collectively my kids and I looked a hot mess entering Walgreens.

Commence my first rookie mistake, I decided not to put both in the shopping cart. “We only need one item, Viv can walk” I thought to myself as I walked toward the back of the store with Viv’s hand in mine and Jude on my hip. There weren’t a lot of people in the store, but way more than I thought for a Saturday morning.  Everything was going well, until we reached the baby aisle that conveniently had Disney themed cups right at Viv’s eye level. I immediately felt the tug as she tried to rip her hand out of mine to grab one of the cups, but I wasn’t having it and held on for dear life while Jude remained slung around my hip. In her grown-little woman syndrome that she was suffering from, she proceeded to very loudly tell me why she should have the cup. Now to be honest, my kids are spoiled, no denying it. So, Viv knew she only needed to plead just a little bit louder and I might give in. It wasn’t until Jude started his infamous squirm in my arms that I knew I needed to let her get the cup. We all looked like we had slept outside overnight and Jude had just spotted the snack aisle and I needed to move fast.

Commence rookie mistake number two, I let Jude down to retrieve a cup of his choice. “As soon as he picks his cup too, I will pick him back up,” I casually thought. I was so wrong. As soon as he selected his cup, the whole “Oh I will just pick him back up” completely went out the window. This boy took off sprinting down the aisle toward the Oreo cookies, with his Minions cup held high above his head. I still had Viv’s hand, but the initial shock of Jude taking off, relaxed my grip, and she too took off full speed right behind her brother. As they rounded the corner, briefly out of sight, Mom panic mode went into play and my inner dialogue rushed at me trying to help finalize a decision, “Should I chase them…Hell no, Jude will think it is a game” “Yell at them…Nope, we all in pajamas, can’t be that mamma.” I did the only thing I could reasonably think to do at the precise time, I used my polite, “We are in public” discipline voice.

“Jude, Vivian? Please come back here, this is not how we act in a store, thank you” It was a loud call, but nothing too aggressive to draw attention from the other shoppers. In my mind, I was going through all the scenarios of how I was going to get them once we got back into the car. I heard them laughing and giggling as they continued running. I quickly, made my way toward them and knew we needed to make a quick exit, but then I heard it and saw it first hand as I rounded the corner. “Mom, look they have Barbies,” Viv exclaimed as she held up the box.

My kids had found the dreaded toy aisle. Several expletives filled my mind as I tried to gather them both up, ignoring the fact that Jude was holding onto a $35.00 train set and somehow Viv had found a collector’s edition Barbie that I didn’t know the cost. I had no intentions on buying toys, we came in for one item. After whispering death threats into Viv’s ear and man handling Jude to pick him up, I convinced them to put the toys away.

Commence rookie mistake number three, allowing Viv to get too close to the candy by the register. By this time, this quick trip to Walgreens was out of control and was taking way too long. I was hoping to just go to the register and plop my items on the counter and get out, but of course that didn’t happen. There was a line of about three people waiting. I still had Jude on my hip, squirming to get down, so my grip on Viv’s hand slipped yet again and she found her way to the candy. I again used my nice Mom voice and called to her to return to me, but she knew we were in a store and that she could inch her way toward my limit. “Mom, can I have candy,” she questioned? “No, it’s too early, come back over here now,” I responded thinking that my mom command would be heard. She heard it alright, but her response was probably worse than her just completely ignoring me and staying put. “Mom, can we just put the candy in your purse and leave.”

Yes, my sweet Viv, my first born, just announced to the crowd that she was willing to steal candy and involve me in the process. I stood frozen and unable to process what the hell she just said…


Find out on Thursday how the rest of this disastrous story plays out!









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